Let’s talk about SEX

Sex should be a consensual act of fun, expressive, pleasure. As you become more explorative you can connect with your partner more in depth and intimately. Whether you’re in a long term committed relationship or hooking up with someone —boundaries and respect should always be on the forefront— never shy away from expressing how you feel. If you’re no longer comfortable doing something you did previously it’s fine to verbalize that, if you want to explore new things be open with your partner and verbalize that as well. Sex is a release and you should feel good about yourself afterwards. Make sure both you and your lovers needs are being met. Although sex is a team effort you always want to regularly check in with self and make sure you’re good mentally. Don’t be ashamed of what you like sexually or what you dislike, always ask yourself if you’re doing things you enjoy or only doing it for someone else. Don’t get me wrong compromising is fine but if you feel used or unhappy afterwards you don’t have to continue doing something. If you're a person whose love language is words of affirmations and your partners isn’t, express that to them. Everyone doesn’t need reassurance or affirmations after sexual intercourse but if that’s something that makes you feel good don’t be embarrassed to confide in your partner, vulnerability and transparency shouldn’t make a person look at you any differently. You should feel confident and empowered. Sex should be liberating and fun. Open communication is the best way to have a positive sexual experience. A lot of times sex happens in the moment and you don't want to overthink it too much so when you have these conversations beforehand everything can be more comfortable and go smoother. Discuss with your partner boundaries you may have and what sex looks like for you before, during, and after —this could include but not be limited to, foreplay and intimacy before sexual contact, as well as cuddles or quality time after sex—again sex is a very in the moment action most times, so having these open-ended conversations prior can lead you to connect more or simply learn new and helpful things about yourself or your partner. As long as you’re practicing safe sex, taking both you and your partners feelings into consideration, and being fulfilled that is all that matters.

All ways always with love,

Shakihya Monique